Thursday, January 04, 2007


In light of the extraordinary news that the FA have not only rejected Charlton's appeal over Osei Sankofa's red card, but have extended the suspension to two games due to the 'frivolity' of the appeal, I was keen to understand the FA's appeals process in more detail.

I was able to secure the official records of the appeal process and it certainly backs up many of our worst fears:


F.A. Disciplinary Committee
Case No. 1546 - Osei Sankofa (Charlton Athletic)
4 January 2007, London

Committee Members in Attendance:

Air Chief Marshal Sir Percival Parmesan-Pisspot (Boys Scouts F.A.)
The Rt. Hon Lord Plonker of Biggington (Rutland F.A.)
Wing Commander Montgomery Lucozade-Smythe (Pro-Fur League)

Parmesan-Pisspot: Gentlemen, the very best of order please.

Plonker: It's not the darts Pisspot!

Lucozade-Smythe: Ghastly working-class pastime.

Parmesan-Pisspot: Yesterday we received an appeal from Premiership club Charlton Athletic regarding the red card awarded to one Osei Sankofa.

Lucozade-Smythe: Sounds like a disease.

Plonker: I think my wife Betty had it once; coughing up phlegm constantly she was....I thought for a while she'd begun speaking German.

Parmesan-Pisspot: Now I'd like to wrap this one up quickly if we could....we've the far more important matter of the 23-man brawl at the annual Army vs Navy match.

Lucozade-Smythe: 23-man brawl? Did one of them sneak an extra player onto the field?

Parmesan-Pisspot: That's what they were brawling about. Now listen, here are the facts: Charlton are a small club, Arsenal are a big club, David Dein is on the FA Council, and the aforementioned Sankofa is black.

Lucozade-Smythe: Barbarians.

Plonker: Was he brandishing a spear?

Parmesan-Pisspot: Perhaps that's why Riley sent him off! Those pesky Addicks are also claiming the Arsenal player Van Rental was offside.

Lucozade-Smythe: Run the offside rule past me again.

Parmesan-Pisspot: A player is offside if in the opinion of the referee he is nearer to his opponent and the second-last defender than the that's not right....if in the opinion of the referee, he is nearer to the ball than his opponent so long as he's not a defender.....oh fiddlesticks, I can never get it right.

Lucozade-Smythe: Look, let's not waste any more time on this.....Arsenal are salt-of-the-earth types....members of the top flight of English football since 1919....Charlton meanwhile are such indecorous whippersnappers.....and all that community-oriented nonsense just leaves me so cold....Kick Racism Out of Football? Kick 'Em Out of the Country more like.

Plonker: Frivolous. And give darkie an extra game's suspension to honour the disreputable 1833 Slavery Abolition Act.

Lucozade-Smythe: Trivial. Whimsical. Juvenile. Puerile.

Parmesan-Pisspot: Let's settle on 'frivolous'.

Plonker: It's a rather racy word isn't a cross between flirty and fruity (makes obscene gesture with his fist)

Lucozade-Smythe: Steady on Plonker, we don't want you having a cardiac. What would we tell Betty?

Plonker: Tell her what you like; she ran off with that abhorrent half-caste fellow from the golf club years ago.

Parmesan-Pisspot: Who, the greenkeeper?

Plonker: Not even.....he was the assistant greenkeeper.

Lucozade-Smythe: Certainly sank a long one with your missus didn't he Plonker?

(laughter all round - meeting closed)


At 11:59 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You should send that to the FA, NYA, and see if they dispute it. Probably uncannily accurate. We have to laugh, don't we??


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