Charlton on Brink of Civil War

Newly relegated Charlton Athletic were rumoured to be on the brink of civil war last night, following the claimed victory of Alan Pardew's 'Hammers' over the incumbent 'Fatter' movement, led by midfielder Andy Reid.


Gazza's trip (above)

The 'Fatter' movement is thought to have been irreversibly damaged by the forced exile of influential member Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink. Indeed cult leader Reid has not been seen since January, and is presumed to have fled to Ireland.

Pardew's 'Hammers' movement believes in the literal and fundamental interpretation of 'match fitness', and as such all those who preach a more liberal philosophy are considered infidels.

"Reid will have to comply or he will be destroyed," admitted one observer, "...he can preach all he likes about the legacy of Ralph Milne, Peter Garland and Neil Redfearn, but times have changed."