Tuesday, September 18, 2007

THE LAUNCH OF N.Y.A. BANK

New York Addick is pleased to announce the launch of N.Y.A. Bank, coming soon to a High Street near you.


With deposits fully guaranteed by the Bank of England, there's just no limit to the daft things we can do. Just take a look at these exciting offerings:


Instant Savings Accounts (14.3% interest):
If you want your money back, our response will be instant...."b*gger off, we don't have any."


Insecure personal loans (free):
designed for the borrower currently lacking in self-confidence. Go on, spend spend spend....you deserve it!


100% 'Let-to-Buy' mortgages (2.3% interest-only):
find a property you can't really afford, and we'll 'let' you buy it. [NB: this low-rate special offer is not available in Wales]


Fed up with queuing in the rain to withdraw your life savings?


Every N.Y.A. branch will be have a monumental waiting room complete with tea/coffee, home-baked cookies, reading material, and seating for 200 people.


Just look at what customers are saying:


Mr G. Brown (Kircaldy):
"As a Scotsman, knowing my money is safe is very important to me. That's why I'll bail out N.Y.A." (surely 'bank with'? - Ed.)


Mr M.King (London):
"As an ageing banker, if I lose my job, I need to know my redundancy payout is in a safe place."


Mr A Curbishley (Essex):
"Flexibility is very important to me, and that's why I bank with N.Y.A."


N.Y.A. Bank: Putting the 'you' back into 'F*ck you'
since 2007


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STOP PRESS:
House prices up £782 per day.

1 Comments:

At 9:43 AM, Anonymous AddickScott said...

Hahahahaha brilliant piece

 

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