Thursday, September 20, 2007

An Open Letter

An open letter to the Prime Minister:

Dear Prime Minister

In light of the government's bailout of the shareholders and depositors of Northern Rock, there is another unfortunate situation I wish to bring to your attention. It concerns another sector of the financial services industry (turf accountancy), a horse called Lucky Boy, and the 3.15 race at Haydock.

On 22nd August 2007, I entered the offices of a turf accountant on the Charing Cross Road. Upon entering the premises, I happened across a tramp who assured me that Lucky Boy at 6/4 was a safe investment. His exact words were, "....I'd put my mortgage on it. Spare some change for a cup of tea?" I did not enquire whether he was a client of Northern Rock.

Following his advice, I deposited a crisp £20 note into the hands of the teller, with the following clear instructions: "Lucky Boy in the 3.15 please, sweetheart. To win." At no point did the turf accountant imply that I may lose some or all of my deposit.

I returned shortly after 3.15 to collect my investment, and was informed that funds would not be forthcoming. The turf accountant advised me without emotion that, "...Lucky Boy didn't like the firm ground." In light of the wet summer we were having, I had presumed the going was "good to soft, soft in places", but the turf accountant negligently failed to offer this advice.

However I am now relieved that the government intends to recompense all those who take risks but lose money, and would thus be grateful if you would send a cheque for £20 at your convenience.

Please be assured of my continued support in the next general election.

Yours sincerely

New York Addick

ps - for your records, I also have a bet on Charlton to win the Championship at 9/1. This may require reimbursement in May 2008.

cc. Mr David Cameron
cc. Mr Mervyn King
cc. Mr William Hill


At 8:29 AM, Blogger Kappacino Kid said...

Go on send it to them and see what replies you receive - i dare you

At 2:42 PM, Blogger Mikey126 said...

Good point. At what point on the risk/reward curve does "investment" become "gambling", I wonder?

I used to point out that when banks have proprietary trading desks they are "speculating" but when they package them into hedge funds it's called "investing".

But of course perception is all, which is why we have spin.

I just thought - if depositing money with a bank is gambling, then any winnings should be free of income tax. Oooh, you're opening up a can of works there, matey.

At 4:06 AM, Anonymous SLC Red said...

Now come on Mr. Addick. You have clearly spent too long in the "land of the free". You should know in UK plc that every risk is bailed out by the government, that people have a RIGHT to make unlimited amounts of money from their houses/stocks/Lloyds Names francises (delete any that do not apply), that the NHS is the envy of the world, the NHS is safe with "us" (ditto) and that people are living in la la land courtesy of the nanny state. Any dissent from the above and you must be a Thatcherite boor.

At 6:47 PM, Anonymous Oggy Red said...

Dear Mr NYA,

FYI....not being a geegee man, I was persuaded to spend an extortionate amount of money just to attend this year's Royal Ascot.

I had a pleasant enough time but didn't see why I should put any of my hard earned on a horse which I had no idea would finish 1st or even last.

Then the last race of the day was upon us and one of the 'little voices' in my head said
put a tenner on Lucky Boy
at 14-1.....and so I did.

I was the only one that day to maintain a 100% record and very much enjoyed celebrating my winnings when my friends were bemoaning their losses.

In the circumstances, I can only conclude that you have indeed been an Unlucky Boy.

Sincerely yours,
Harry Gant Old-Boringfart (Mrs)


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