Tornado

A freak tornado ripped through Harlesden this morning, causing nearly £3 million worth of improvements.

Witnesses spoke of their horror as this natural wonder...


TORE DOWN a row of derelict houses that were due to be demolished anyway

POSTPONED nine burglaries planned for later that day

DISPERSED a gang of hoodies loitering at the bus stop

UPROOTED several St George flags, and at least one Union Jack

DESTROYED garish Christmas decorations, sending an inflatable Santa Claus 'hurtling through the air'


"We're delighted," admitted one local estate agent, "Asia had its tsunami and now we've had our tornado. I just wish the media would stop referring to the area as Harlesden when we all know it's really Kensal Rise Borders."

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STOP PRESS: House prices up 1.2%.