Play That Funky Music

There has been near-universal vitriolic condemnation of Charlton's decision to play goal music during the friendly with New Zealand on Saturday. A number of fans expressed their dissatisifaction by emailing the club who confirmed it was merely an experiment, and that reaction from fans had been 'interesting' (for interesting, read 'mutinous').

I'm not yet ready to ditch the idea altogether, perhaps reflecting my gradual Americanisation, but also the fact that football and music are my two great loves, so why not combine the two? The key for me is injecting a suitably large dose of irony into the way the music is used and allowing the creative juices to flow, rather than just playing something that the club perceives to be popular, but is bound simply to be the lowest common denominator by defintion.

This season for example, each squad member could be allocated a particular song to be played when they score, or perhaps simply when the teams were announced. Examples would include:

Radostin Kishishev - Give It Away (Red Hot Chili Peppers)
Darren Bent - Stay, Just a Little Bit Longer (Four Seasons)
Jason Euell - Losing My Touch (Rolling Stones)
Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink - I See You Baby, Shaking That Ass (Groove Armada)
Kevin Lisbie - Never Can Say Goodbye (The Communards)

Pre-match atmosphere a little flat? Then get the home fans really wound up by playing songs about players that left the club unceremoniously whilst flashing their face onto the big screen. Examples might include:

Alexei Smertin - Back in the USSR (The Beatles)
Paul Konchesky - You Can't Always Get What You Want (Rolling Stones)
Scott Parker - Whatever Happened? (The Strokes)

And then just as the Valley crowd was building into a frenzy and with the opposition cowering in their dressing room, it would be time for the traditional 'Danny Murphy medley':

Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now (The Smiths)
When Will I See You Again? (Three Degrees)
You're So Vain (Carly Simon)
Kissing in the Back Row of the Movies (The Drifters)
Charmless Man (Blur)

And why stop there? When really classy opposition players score against us, we can play Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd, and when our end-of-season slump is in full swing, the lads can come out of the tunnel to Slide Away by Oasis (one of may all-time faves incidentally). And if we draw Palace in the Cup, we can play Homeward Bound by Simon & Garfunkel as Iain Dowie walks to the dugout. Oh, and is that Curbs making a romantic return to the Valley? Then it's time for Memory by Elaine Paige, perhaps followed by a rousing rendition of Paul Young's Come Back and Stay (depending on where we are in the table).

It'll soon be time to 'put on your red shoes and dance the blues' and 'get down' to the Valley, where DJ Richie M and Chief Peter V (in the place to be) are spinning your favourite tunes.