Prison Crisis Deepens

The prison crisis currently enveloping the UK is threatening to cause heads to roll at HM Prisons Charlton when evidence emerged of the following:


BUNGLED: poor last minute defending on 27th December let Fulham out of jail.

MISHANDLED: two Uruguayans earning criminal wages have gone missing since September.

FLUNKED: young James Walker was released early despite strong evidence that he would go on to cause considerable damage to opposition defences (he has since been recaptured)

MISJUDGED: Kevin Lisbie has been imprisoned without parole for ten years despite the Probation Service concluding he "presented no danger whatsoever".

MUDDLED: violent offender transferred from HM Prisons Manchester City to high-security HM Prisons Charlton at a cost of £500,000 to the taxpayer.


Home Secretary Les Reed (don't you mean John Reid? - Ed.) is now under considerable tabloid pressure to resign in light of his department's failings.


***STOP PRESS***: evidence has emerged that an extremely dangerous midfielder of Chinese origin has also gone missing.