Pardew's Double Life Revealed

With Charlton fans desperate for confirmation that the club is even aware the January transfer window closes in five days time, it is with a degree of sadness that I reveal the truth behind the club's insouciance.....our manager is also the TV news journalist, Anderson Cooper.

Cooper is the extremely popular presenter of "Anderson Cooper 360" which airs during the primetime 10pm slot on CNN. His reporting during Hurricane Katrina was outstanding, and sealed his reputation as one of the best talents currently working on the notoriously inward-looking US networks. It probably won't come as a great surprise therefore that at the very time the levees were breaking in New Orleans, West Ham were capitulating tamely at home to Bolton Wanderers. Lack of leadership you see.

'New York' magazine put it eloquently as follows: "He was interviewing Mary Landrieu, the senator from Louisiana, who had a big, sweet, southern smile spread across her perfectly made-up face. In a nonanswer to one of Cooper’s questions, she thanked President Bush for his “strong statements of support and comfort.” Finally, Cooper boiled over. “I got to tell you,” he said, “there are a lot of people here who are very upset, and very angry, and very frustrated. And when they hear politicians . . . thanking one another, it just, you know, it kind of cuts them the wrong way right now. Because literally there was a body on the streets of this town yesterday being eaten by rats, because this woman had been laying in the street for 48 hours. And there’s not enough facilities to take her up. Do you get the anger that is out here?”

Unfortunately as much as I admire Cooper's earnestness, he must surely realise too that Charlton are up to their necks in a serious relegation battle. Given that Pardew and Cooper have never been seen together, then on behalf of all Charlton fans, I tonight lead the call to Pards that he cease his cheating double-life, and focus solely on saving our beloved club. At the end of the day, President Bush can save the victims of Katrina, but only Pards can save Charlton (can I take issue with the first part? - Ed).