Thursday, December 13, 2007

Behind the scenes at The Valley

These are certainly interesting times for the Addicks; six wins in eight have given us a chance of gaining top spot by 3pm on Saturday. In order to get a better feel for the current morale within the club, I once again hacked into Charlton's email server. Here's a selection of what I found:


From: murray@cafc.co.uk
To: pards@cafc.co.uk
Subject: Cardiff

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Great win last night.

Any chance we could win a home game? Those ‘half-price season tickets’ aren’t exactly flying off the shelves.

From: pards@cafc.co.uk
To: murray@cafc.co.uk
Subject: Re: Cardiff

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Three points is three points. YOU tell the travelling Charlton fans that we’re inconsistent.

From: murray@cafc.co.uk
To: pards@cafc.co.uk
Subject: Re: Re: Cardiff
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Yeah, I’ll be sure to tell Doris, Roger and our other 37 loyal fans.

Have you seen the state of them? Some of them haven’t even sat on chairs before.

From: paddy.mccarthy@cafc.co.uk
To: pards@cafc.co.uk
Subject: Team selection

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Just to reiterate gaffer….I’m fit, ready and VERY able.

From: pards@cafc.co.uk
To: IThelpdesk@cafc.co.uk
Subject: FW: Team selection
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HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I ASKED YOU TO BLOCK ALL EMAILS FROM THIS ADDRESS?

From: pards@cafc.co.uk
To: FIRSTTEAM-ALL@cafc.co.uk
Subject: Ipswich arrangements, Dec 8
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We’re going to treat this one like an away game.

Meet up at 2pm Friday, Thurrock Services.

From: jerome.thomas@cafc.co.uk
To: anton.ferdinand@whufc.co.uk
Cc: j.pennant@liverpoolfc.co.uk
Cc: joey.barton@nufc.co.uk

Subject: FW: Ipswich arrangements, Dec 8
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Nightmare..

Struggling to make it a large one on Friday. Might have to feign an injury.

From: zheng.zhi@cafc.co.uk
To: 民,应具备@baidu.com
Subject: 政府的

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政府的性质和职能4、依法纳粹很恐怖,

是依法纳税吧?这道题我觉得是全选的,只几条对于一个国家的公民来说都是应该具备的。不用解释了吧,监督政府的行为我国政府是为人民服务的政 (Semedo)

当然要接受人民群众的监督4依法纳税作为一 (Holland) 国公民是有依法纳税的义务的,赋税是喂养政府的娘奶。

From: dorisandroger@gmail.com
To: reg.varney@cafc.co.uk
Subject: Preston vs Charlton
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Dear Mr Varney

We are writing to complain about the behaviour of some of our supporters at Preston.

My husband Roger and I have been traveling to away games since 1949 (even though he has chronic arthritis).

Unfortunately some of our fellow so-called ‘supporters’ found it acceptable to stand up after Zheng Zhi scored our opening goal and for fully thirty seconds afterwards.

In the melee that ensued, Roger dropped his tartan blanket and a slice of my homemade fruitcake (which he loves).

Is it possible to find out who these hooligans were and have them banned?

Yours angrily

Doris Watson

Ps – could you arrange for a signed photograph of Matt Holland? He's my favourite player.

From: chiefsuperintendent@lancashireconstabulary.com
To: reg.varney@cafc.co.uk
Re: Preston vs Charlton
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Dear Mr Varney

On behalf of my police force, may I just congratulate your club on the wonderful way your supporters behaved at Deepdale on Nov 24th.

We are so used to the way visiting supporters abuse stewards and home supporters alike, that we had forgotten that some genuine and decent fans like yours still existed.

I would be grateful if you would pass on our thanks via your matchday programme, and we wish you well for the remainder of the season.

Yours sincerely

Chief Superintendent Jackson
Lancashire Constabulary

From: pards@cafc.co.uk
To: appointments@nickyclarke.com
Subject: Fri Dec 7, 3pm
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Sorry for the short notice, but I am going to have to cancel my hair appointment for this Friday.

Going forward, it may be best to change my fortnightly appointment to a Thursday.

From: chris.dickson@gillingham-fc.co.uk
To: pards@cafc.co.uk
Subject: Goal machine

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Not sure if you’ve heard, but that’s ten goals for me at the Gills now.

How’s Izale McLeod settling in? Please reassure him that all strikers go through dry spells (except me it seems…..LOL!)

From: reg.varney@cafc.co.uk
To: FIRSTEAM-ALL@cafc.co.uk
Subject: Global warming
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As a caring community football club, it’s vital that we’re seen to do everything we can to reduce our carbon footprint.

I’m doing my bit…..from next Saturday all Valley Express buses will be fuelled by ethanol.

Have a think about what YOU could all do to reduce your impact on the environment.

From: jerome.thomas@cafc.co.uk
To: FIRSTEAM-ALL@cafc.co.uk
Subject: FW: Global warming

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What’s he on about?

From: jon.fortune@cafc.co.uk
To: FIRSTEAM-ALL@cafc.co.uk
Subject: Re: FW: Global warming

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I guess we won't be signing Matt Carbon from MK Dons then!

That's a relief.

From: pards@cafc.co.uk
To: FIRSTTEAM-ALL@cafc.co.uk
Cc: DIRECTORS@cafc.co.uk
Subject: Ipswich tactics

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As you are probably aware, I’m one of the best paid managers in the Championship (if not the best paid). Hence I bear a heavy responsibility for ensuring that our tactics are novel, effective and open to change.

Thus, in order to turn around our poor home form I am proposing a revolutionary new tactic which may initially be confusing, but which ultimately will deliver results:

I’M SWITCHING AROUND DARREN AMBROSE AND ANDY REID.

From: murray@cafc.co.uk
To: martin.simons@cafc.co.uk
Subject: FW: Ipswich tactics

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Genius. We’re lucky to have him.

From: martin.simons@cafc.co.uk
To: murray@cafc.co.uk
Subject: Re: FW:Ipswich tactics

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A true visionary.

We were rather hoping we'd get that sort of thing from Dowie.

From: loans@alliance&leicester.co.uk
To: luke.varney@cafc.co.uk
Re: Mortgage application
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Dear Luke

Your application for a mortgage is REJECTED.

As you know, credit standards are being tightened. It was felt that your future employment at current income levels could not be guaranteed.

Yours sincerely

A.Smith
Loans Department

From: todorov@cafc.co.uk
To: cory.gibbs@cafc.co.uk
Subject: Sorry

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Cory

I just wanted to say sorry for what I said to you yesterday at the clinic.

It’s been a frustrating time for us both and if the truth be told, I think we’ve probably been seeing a bit too much of each other for our own good. A ‘cooling off’ period might make some sense.

Toddy

Ps – I honestly don’t think all Americans are stupid. Look at Gore Vidal for example.

From: ambrose@cafc.co.uk
To: mrsambrose@btinternet.com
Subject: FW: Ipswich tactics

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I’m worried about all the responsibility to be honest; at least on the wing I can hide a bit more.

You know what the Charlton fans are like….if I haven’t scored within the first five minutes, they’ll be booing me!

From: mrsambrose@btinternet.com
To: ambrose@cafc.co.uk
Subject: Re: FW: Ipswich tactics

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Darling, you know you’re good enough to perform at this level (though to be fair, I said that about the Premiership too).

Just have some confidence and remember what Mr Souness told you at Newcastle, “..if you knuckle down, you could be as good as Hugo Viana.”

From: pards@cafc.co.uk
To: chris.dickson@gillingham-fc.co.uk; josh@barnetfc.co.uk; james.walker@ytfc.co.uk; deano@ctfc.co.uk; kelly@scunthorpeunitedfc.co.uk; marcus.bent@wiganafc.co.uk; amdy.faye@rangers.co.uk
Subject: Xmas Party
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Although none of you are in my current or future first team plans, I just want to let you know that you’re all very welcome to attend the 2007 Xmas Party (featuring Chris Powell as Santa Claus!).

Details to follow.

From: marcus.bent@wiganafc.co.uk
To: amdy.faye@rangers.co.uk
Subject: FW: Xmas Party
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Chris Powell as Santa Claus. There’s an effin’ surprise.

The only thing he’ll be giving away this Xmas is goals.

Ps – hope you clear your name by the way, mate. A word of advice from Benty: just collect signing-on fees instead….they’re like legalised bungs! I’ve had ten already and I’m only 29!

From: pards@cafc.co.uk
To: reg.varney@cafc.co.uk; murray@cafc.co.uk
Subject: January transfer window
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Hi guys – further to our discussion on Monday, are you any closer to finalising the budget for the January transfer window?

A commanding centre-half is at the very top of my shopping list.

From: reg.varney@cafc.co.uk
To: murray@cafc.co.uk
Subject: FW: January transfer window

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Do you want to break it to him or shall I?

Our balance sheet resembles the black hole of Calcutta.

ps - what's wrong with Paddy McCarthy? It was his flipping idea.

From: murray@cafc.co.uk
To: reverend.rufus@churchofengland.co.uk
Subject: Trial?

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The Archbishop has been giving me rave reviews of your performances. We could do with someone someone who’s comfortable with crosses (geddit?).

Fancy a trial? After all we gave Andy Hunt another go.

From: 民,应具备@baidu.com
To: zheng.zhi@cafc.co.uk
Subject: Re: 政府的
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市政府办公室关于调整南通市地名委员会成员的通知

市政府办公室关于建立南通市创建平安医院工 (Racon)

作领导小组的 政府工作报告

From: chris.dickson@gillingham-fc.co.uk
To: pards@cafc.co.uk
Subject: FW: Goal machine

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Make that 11 goals….LOL!

Sent from my Blackberry wireless handheld.

From: ambrose@cafc.co.uk
To: mrsambrose@btinternet.com
Subject: Re: Re: FW: Ipswich tactics
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What do you think about that eh? (I nearly missed the header to be honest)

Better go now, Pards is about to give his half-time teamtalk.

Love you.

Ps – Reidy looks gutted!

Sent from my Blackberry wireless handheld.

From: paddy.mccarthy@cafc.co.uk
To: IThelpdesk@cafc.co.uk
Re: emails

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Can you check the server? I’m not sure I’m receiving all my emails.

9 Comments:

At 6:06 AM, Blogger Ken Jennings said...

Great stuff ! I particularly liked the 'good at crosses' email.
Thanks for the guffaws - or is it lol's?
Ken J

 
At 6:49 AM, Blogger StoneMuse said...

absolutely brilliant - more of these please! Make it a monthly update.

Cheers
stonemuse

 
At 7:12 AM, Blogger Dave Peeps said...

Very good. It would be great to read it weekly but I suspect it took you a week to do it?

More please.

Dave Peeps

 
At 10:47 AM, Blogger charlton north-downs said...

Brilliant read, really made me laugh and I would love to know how you hack into the Charlton Server!!!!
A really funny read is Who Moved My Blackberry by Lucy Kellaway.
Why not make it an end of month review.

 
At 10:50 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Very funny. Will we ever know what Zheng was on about? haha

 
At 12:56 PM, Anonymous Oggy Red said...

Yeah, what did ZZ say.....?

Or is that the same question Cap'n Reidy asks during the match?

:o)

 
At 1:38 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Excellent concept and delivery.
A regular feature, might I suggest?

Great stuff.

Richard, Peru

 
At 4:09 PM, Blogger Chicago Addick said...

Very good mate - Pards only gets his hair done fortnightly then?

 
At 5:05 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I been to nearly every away game this season except for cardiff preston & stoke . And like the atmosphere has been made quality. so dont go on about old people like that . at least they go thats true supporters.

 

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