Dismantled

According to the commerical, "Red Bull gives you wings." Well, thanks to Curbs' new found cavalier approach, he now also gives us wings, and more generally a devastating new formation which has delivered three wins, seven goals and a genuinely exciting team to watch. Indeed, with Thomas, Rommedahl and Bent providing our attacking thrust, we undoubtedly have the most pacy forward line in the country, and at last a reason for the opposition to fear us aside from our organisation and teamwork.

I was forced to watch the game live on a Mexican feed, and it was clear that the commentators were going to be struggling to pronounce 'Hreidarsson', probably preferring to call him 'el hombre grande' at the back. Right from the off, we looked sharp with Smertin once again the pivot around which the rest of the team worked, with some help from his loyal assistant Kishishev (very much the Baldrick to Smertin's 'Blackadder'). Rommedahl was lively and give Queudrue such a torrid time, he didn't reappear for the second half. Meanwhile on the opposite flank, Thomas did what he does best, namely running at terrified defenders, as opposed to the fancy-dan stuff that belongs in Riverdance, not at the Riverside. Ironically given the degree to which the wingers were dictating things, their crossing was diabolical, and frankly neither managed to deliver a single telling cross throughout the game, a single black spot on an otherwise outstanding performance.

Our first goal came from an unlikely source, namely a 'Boro throw-in midway in their own half, but by the time we had regained possession the ball was in the back of the net within seconds, Bent feeding Murphy whose sublime through ball was brilliantly finished by Rommedahl who used his devastating pace through the middle to great effect. The remainder of the half belonged to 'Boro as we relaxed a little, and only heroics from Young on the line and then Andersen ensured that we went to the interval deservedly ahead.

We were comfortable in the second half, but at only 1-0 up and with the undoubted ability of Viduka and Yakubu up front, the second goal was vital, though it came from the most unlikely source, Chris Perry finishing a clever Murphy freekick with rare aplomb. This was the cue for a mass exodus from a stadium that was only ever two-thirds full, and Bent's fine run and finish in the final minute lent the game a scoreline which properly reflected our dominance.

It is hard to recall seeing us dismantle a quality side away from home in such style. With the sole exception of our awful crosses, everything was positive, from Andersen's assuredness to Murphy's class to Powell's age-defying display. Indeed, if Powell is able to bottle the potion that has taken all of those years from him, he could make a fortune over here in image-obsessed America.

If one incident summed up our performance, it occurred in the 88th minute. With the team already 2-0 up and 'Boro showing little sign of getting back into the game, Darren Bent (surely exhausted from his lone front-running) chased back deep into his own half to make a sliding tackle, ensuring a faint threat was expunged. Three minutes later he powered through a static defence to join Geoff Horsfield as surely the League's most unlikely joint scorer.