Chris Powell - Used Car Dealer
The need to buy a new family motor to accommodate three kids has forced me to endure some editions of What Car? magazine.
Sadly the reality has dawned that a man cannot both transport his offspring in comfort and maintain any semblance of cool.
To draw my focus away from this depressing state of affairs, I began to ask myself, "If Charlton players were cars, which ones would they be?"
In other words, if Chris Powell was a used car dealer, what would he have on his forecourt?:
Ben Hamer = Toyota Prius: efficient and green; unconvincing handling
Rhoys Wiggins = Ford Mustang: left-hand drive beauty; not so comfortable on the other side of the road
Chris Solly = Lotus Elise: much-admired homegrown pocket rocket; too small for some
Michael Morrison = Volvo XC90: not the prettiest, but a big reliable beast with an emphasis on safety
Matt Taylor = Seat Alhambra: unflashy, big and highly functional; does the job effectively without drawing attention
Danny Hollands = Kia Sedona: slow but dependable vehicle (with room for three baby seats)
Gary Doherty = Fiat Multipla: painfully awkward mover with prominent nose; will do a job reliably when asked but best kept in garage
Dale Stephens = Nissan Qashqai: slightly unsure what it is trying to be, but classier looking than rivals; made in the North
Andy Hughes = Ford Kuga: SUV/family car crossover, and not convincing as either; better alternatives exist in each category
Danny Green = Ford Galaxy: rather ugly but useful mover that can put plenty across; close links to Dagenham
Scott Wagstaff = Alfa Romeo Brera: fast but looks better than it really is; not guaranteed to start
Bradley Pritchard = Jaguar XF: educated buyer's choice but lacking in several key areas; likely poor resale value
Jason Euell = Rover 45: mediocre performer forced into bankruptcy; rarely seen these days
Johnnie Jackson = Volkswagen Golf: ever popular award-winning car but possibly overrated; basic engines lack acceleration
Mikel Alonso = Maybach 57: reported to be very classy but hardly ever spotted; lives in shadow of more famous model from same manufacturer
Yann Kermogant = Renault Espace: big French brute with elevated driving position; much loved by owners, hated by everyone else
Bradley Wright-Philips = Mini Cooper: small and nippy front-wheel drive; famous pedigree
Danny Haynes = Renault Twingo Renaultsport: small and very pacy; not popular with some buyers so negotiate hard for a discount
Leon Clarke = Volkswagen Polo: uninspiring, slow and often used as loaned courtesy car
Paul Hayes = Seat Ibiza: almost identical to Volkswagen Polo but much more elegant; manager discounts available
Paul Benson = Honda Civic: unusual looking but surprisingly capable; finished off in Swindon
Fiat Multipla = Doc. Genius.
NYA - very clever, as always. I am not fooled - you know far too much about cars that can't be gleaned from What Car!
Volvo XC90 - brakes need replacing every six months. Powertrain failure at 60,000 miles. (I hope it's not an omen or maybe it's just the way my wife drives!)