Guile-less Draw

When Derek Hales declared on Friday that, "I can see a few goals going in on Saturday," those of us that have been following our legendary soothsayer with interest would have known that the game was unlikely to be a classic.

For the first twenty minutes or so we were so firmly camped in our own half that we probably just needed some Kendal Mint Cake and we could quite happily have put our tents up for the night.

Very slowly we came into the game at various points, but you sensed that the only way we would take anything from the game would be via a 0-0 draw, and luckily this was how it transpired. Fortunately for us, Damien Duff has a right foot modelled on the likes of Nigel Winterburn, otherwise they could have been out of sight by the hour mark.

In fairness, our defence was excellent but in front of them our usual dire lack of central midfield creativity cost us the chance to grab the game by the scruff of its neck, and so really test a Newcastle side lacking in both personnel and confidence. Scott Parker, won't you please forgive us and come home?

Here are my proprietary ratings for today's game:

Carson 7 - with all his money, you'd think he'd have got his teeth straightened
Young 7 - a true pro - when adverts for lodgers declare 'professional preferred', he can apply
Hreidarsson 7 - always plays better when he is closer to Iceland
Diawara 8 - looks the real deal, and a bit like Chris Whyte
El Karkouri 9 - was that El Karkouri or Beckenbauer?
Faye 4 - oh dear, I think he forgot who he was playing for
Holland 5 - did he used to be called Matt Netherlands?
Rommedahl - 6 - I bet he never forgets his Grandma's birthday
Reid 6 - if I knew I looked overweight, I wouldn't wear a t-shirt underneath
Bent M 5 - he does have nice eyes doesn't he?
Bent D 6 - is there a more frustrating job in England than being Charlton striker? (ice cream seller? - Ed.)

Kishishev 5 - he does look like a really nice bloke
Hughes 6 - Dowie was hoping he would change the game and he did; it got worse

Nonetheless, it hasn't been a bad week for us - no goals conceded and a place in the last 16 of the Carling Cup. Looking further back though, it is terrifying to think that we have only acquired five points from a year's worth of away fixtures. My Dad has accumulated more points than that on his driving licence during that period, and his driving style is more Jimmy Hill than Damon Hill. I meanwhile will be attending possibly my one and only live game next Saturday, and I have this feeling in my water that we will win comfortably (it might just be cystitis - Ed.).