Getting the Horn

The campaign against the World Cup 'vuvuzela' began with a whisper, but now ironically threatens to become a cacophony of sound.

Initially I enjoyed their incessant buzz, but now they are utterly ruining the tournament.

Germany gave a footballing masterclass tonight. A sublime display of penetrative pacy football.

They were everything that we were led to believe England would be, but weren't.

But could one detect the atmosphere waxing and waning with the pace of the game?

Of course not because of those damned horn blowers.

You couldn't even tell if a goal had stood or been disallowed, until the caption changed.

After all, anyone who has left a football ground early to beat the traffic, will acknowledge how one can follow the rhythm of the action from the sound alone.

Closer to home, my local tennis club is situated alongside the West Coast main line.

If I am receiving serve just as a train approaches, I will ask the server to wait.

Why? After all, it is the server who is most likely to be distracted by the passing locomotive.

The reason is the importance of hearing the sound of the ball from the racket.

Not as important as the sight obviously, but relevant nonetheless.

If this is true in small town tennis, surely the same must be true for world class football.

Who knows, maybe it was an obscure reason for Robert Green's mishap?

Perhaps he relied on his ears as much as his eyes to tell him how well the shot had been struck.

No-one wants football to be played in silence, so I am offering a simple solution.

Ban fans from carrying them into the stadium, but place a limited amount under the seats to be used by those lucky enough to find them there.

That way you retain the unique African flavour of the tournament, but not at the expense of other sounds from English singing to Brazilian samba.

For once, I trust FIFA will do the right thing.