Tevez in "Not as Good As We Thought" Shocker

In recent weeks, headlines such as "Argy-Bargy", "Carlos the Tackle" and "Best Ham United" may have given the impression that the signing of Carlos Tevez would transform the Hammers into Champions League contenders. It is now clear however that both Tevez and compatriot Javier Mascherano are in fact both useless, and we are pleased to issue a retraction.